Dealbreakers and Reflection

     You ever buy something from someone, make a deal, or trade; pay your end and then have them basically screw you over and not uphold their end?  It's an unsettling feeling.  First human reactions are to lash out, have regret, be angry, find a way to get your property or your money back.  Secondly is the want to find out why.  Why did this happen?  The third reaction is the need/want for the other person to apologize and/or explain themselves, if nothing else.  The order of importance for me is the reverse of those 3 initial reactions.  I'd rather have someone talk to me and explain to me their situation and why they couldn't hold up their end, rather than know everything but never hear from them again.  I guess it goes back to the mindset of the the pre- "I'll sue you for anything/everything" days when a man's good word and a hand shake were all you needed to seal a deal.  I, obviously, found out late tonight that I was a victim of this sort of deal.  To the tune of a loss of a significant amount of cash, and a 52" plasma TV.  My mom taught me when I was in middle school, that if something goes bad, or you do something wrong, you'll get in a lot less trouble as long as you come clean about it.  The same goes for this situation; if this person spoke to me and came clean, I'd be a lot less upset about it.  With every amount of patience and restraint in me I will remain calm and try not to let it get to me too much.  I will pray for this person because I do not know everything they are going through or dealing with (obviously since I haven't heard from them), and I myself have known the perils of big debt and tough times.  I wish them only the best.

     At work today I read our weekly flyer online.  It had stories from different people that work for my employer.  They were about where they were and what they were doing/how they were affected during the 9/11/01 terrorist attacks on the twin towers and elsewhere.  Some of the stories were amazing to read, even a few from people who were working inside the towers when the planes hit.  On woman recalled how when she felt the plane hit her building, she thought it was an earthquake.  She saw many awful things and remembered how at that moment when she didn't know for sure if she would live or die.  She explained that all she could think about were her loved ones and if she had any unfinished quarrels.... meaningless things that come between people and cause a grudge.  She wondered if she told her loved ones that she loved them and if they knew that the petty things that seemed so big at the time were nothing compared to the affection she felt for them.  Why is it that we sometimes only truly appreciate life, when faced with imminent death? (not in the jigsaw sense ha)  Why do we only realize that the physical toys and  things of this world will pass away, are so temporary, and somewhat insignificant, when faced with not having them anymore?  Instead in that moment we forget about our smart phones, computers, cars, clothes, money, power, and focus on the relationships we have with others.

     Why do we do this?..... because the most important things in life aren't what you have, but what you give.  Sometimes I feel negligent in saying that, because I don't feel like I can ever give back anywhere close to what I have been given by others' kindness.  Sure you can make a case for the negative aspects in my past, like before being adopted, and bad relationship luck.... but some of that was probably my own doing and besides, I'm not trying to compare bad/good.  Maybe I will be able to give more as the days pass, or maybe I just need to look harder into it myself.  Either way, I feel blessed to have what I do have, and who I have in my life.  If I ever have one of those moments like in the woman's story inside the world trade center, where I reflect on my life and wonder this or that, I don't think I'll remember or care about the 52" TV.  Hopefully I will remember that I did all that I could to help a person who needed me, cared for my friends and family, and walked a path that, in the end, leads to streets of gold. 

     My thoughts and prayers go out to those closely affected by the 9/11/01 attacks on this 10 year anniversary weekend.  God Bless  :) 

Gabe